So, Toni and I have decided to take some "time off," which I suppose means we're going to try to separate ourseves by even more than two states. Ha, the joke's on her! I had to go to Britain next week anyway!

But that's not what's occupying my mind at the moment. No. See, last night we were talking about it on AIM and I had said something snarky, when suddenly the storm decided to screw with the network (thunder and lightning, very very frightening) and I was plunged into a state of being not unlike what everyone experienced before the internet. So after a bit of hesitation I calledto make sure she didn't think I hated her.

She picks up after half a ring and we're having a whispering conversation and suddenly her mom, who had ostensibly been sleeping beforehand, comes in and told me this had better not happen again, interrupting her beauty sleep. Yes. Because I've done it before, calling people at 2 A.M, so I'm just glad she was noble enough to inform me of how heinous a deed it was to phone in the dead of night.

Anyway, after the decision last night, I was sitting downstairs sipping from a cup I've been using for a week (our kitchen implements, dishwasher, et. al. have been supended from active service by virtue of the kitchen itself being refurbished) and I got to thinking about completely unrelated stuff.

Ever notice how there are a few phrases that aren't really cliches, per se, but are still used almost invariably in narratives? "The stench of death" was the first one that came to my mind, for zombies and / or anything filled with dead guys. There are a lot more. I'm sure you have some. I won't ruin it for you, but the next one you consider is going to contain the secret of life. How do I know what you'll think next? Simple. I know everything.

In other news, that Richard Pryor movie Critical Condition was not very funny. It had a few moments, but it seemed too obviously from the 1980's. The reason I said 1980's even though it was pretty definitely not from, say, the 1880's was because it would have looked stupid to have said it was from the '80's. Did you know that numerical plurals use apostrophes, as do abbreviations and (I'm pretty sure) names? Yes.

Apostrophe: O! Woe be unto Gnome! May Aphrodite, the Goddes of Love, and perhaps Vialis, God of Curled Moustaches lend guidance. May he be defended by the mighty Citrusface, antagonist of sore throats, or perhaps that fellow from the Ripping Friends who hated it in the bowels of the Earth (his bowels) and farted majestically! Perhaps someday he shall stop wearing that ridiculous facemask!

Gnome: Hey, shouldn't we be speaking Greek or whatever?

Apostrophe: Cuando omni flunkus mortati.

Gnome: You know, I didn't realize until a few months ago that the Possum Van was actually painted to look like a opossum? I thought it was just scratched up or something.

Apostrophe: Ah ha! He fell for our clever trap! Not only was that Latin, and not Greek, it wasn't even grammatically correct!

Gnome: Damn you, Plato! You and your poncy Latin-speaking degree-holders!

Apostrophe: He was Greek.

Gnome: Shut up. You're uglier than Caesar. I'm glad I stabbed him.

...

... Erh, back to Mr. Pryor. I don't know. He's usually pretty good, and as evidence I here recommend everything with him and Gene Wilder, but the movie was pretty flat. Good as a movie, I guess, not that I watch very many to compare, but I only really laughed at the fact that the evil administrator looked like Rowan Atkinson, which I doubt was an intentional joke. Oh, and Bob Saget. He so kwazy.

So, for the past three days, my sister, (age twelve, and despite all siblings having buttloads of games, she has few to none) has been playing Super Mario World like the SNES was going out of style (crazy, isn't she?). She's gotten up to Bowser's Castle with little help from me, but for the life of her she can't get past the bit where the clown-copter starts setting stuff on fire. You know, the bit where you have to jump between some flames and then not do anything until they all go out? She can't do it.

She's cleared Star Road and some of the Special World, so I'd think this would be a picnic for her, but nope. It's amazing.

Tried introducing her to FFVI, but she utterly disrespected Arvis by calling him ugly, and I shan't stand for such crass ignorance of his inner beauty! Arvis is one of those wonderful people that everyone ignores.

Another awesome person is the Captain of the Thames in Xenogears. Everyone knows him, though, 'cuz of the "I am! A man! Of the sea!" line. He dies and you don't even get to watch.

Toni still has my copy of Xenogears.

I leave as my text for today this dialogue that I only made for a stupid semi-obscure pun.

Caesar: /me crosses Rubicon

Rubicant: I, the Fiend of Fire, shall kick you in the knightly nuts!

Caesar: Erm, no, this is Empire Fantasy. You want Final Fantasy, next door.

Rubicant: Oh! Sorry. Old eyes, don't you know?

Caesar: Hey, easy mistake to make.

Rubicant: Heh, oh man, wait'll I tell the guys.

RUBICANT has left the chatroom

Cecil: Man, can you believe that guy works with Valvalis and hasn't exploded with lust? Gaaaaay.

Caesar: Hey man, stop judging. I'm Greek.

Cecil: You're Roman.

Caesar: Romans had gay sex too, right?

First thing I would like to say is that the only truly great musicians in history have been the members of Queen, Yasunori Mitsuda, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Star Salzman. I want to give them all a hug.

Second thing I would like to say is that I have not updated lately for a variety of reason. Point the first, and least on my procrastinating mind, is homework for AP classes. I've been ignoring that, which is Bad News.

Point the second, I have been writing more and more for the site (buttloads more than I used to write) over at [link] , in case you forgot. Already have aaaaalmost three more "episodes" finished, meaning nine more short story segments. And they include references to Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka, which makes me proud, although Sidekick Chris claims my reference is too forced. Ah well.

Point the third, and my favorite, is that the estimable and callipygian (adding that word just to prove that I read Dinosaur Comics) Toni-chan was visiting for a week. This was Big News, insofar as the other trips have all been to her house, and so she had not seen that I have a wall covered with Ninja Turtle Porn (including lost episode Face Full of Krang Wang). She ran away screaming and hasn't been seen since.

Err, anyway. We went to Kennywood, an awesome local amusement park that did not turn anyone into pigs or become a resort for ghosts, sadly. It did give us a big lesson though: never eat a funnelcake, then have fast food for dinner. Especially not fish. And especially if you don't have an hour ride home.

The best part was that after that we both passed out on her (the guest) bed for eleven hours or so, so now I can tell people we've slept together.

We also saw the new X-Men, on its last day of local showing, and were so flabbergasted by the realization Kelsey Grammar played Beast that she left her purse in the theater and now we've finlly found it after she's gone home and have to blow money on postage. She also left this super-sexy sweater she wore, which on the bright side means there will be fewer guys drawn into her web of deception and hotness and therefore no competition for me.

I'd love to have the Smash Brothers Announcer's voice, so as to yell "NO CONTEST" all the time.

Other things about the trip I would like to mention here just to remind you all that, even as my alter-ego millionaire playboy Lance Vance (who had his last dance) I have more fun than you.

Oh, and Eugene and Heather came over last Saturday (she left of Sunday) as a saying-goodbye-to-someone-they-never-met party. We discovered that the third season of Father Ted should not be used to introduce people to the series, as it reaps the benefits of setting up ongoing jokes that you subsequently have to explain. We also learned that Eugene should never play Smash Brothers, lest everyone else feel inadequate. He's awesome.

But not as awesome as Toni, who has really weird (in the sense of enchanting, etc) eyes in low light. And I only found this out Saturday night, sadly, so I barely got to enjoy them. Gnome hangs Gnome's head in shame.

In other news, I need to eat more fruit. I had a pear and a kiwi yeserday for breakfast and just about burst out crying from the greatness. Or from depression that I hadn't gotten any hugs from Toni in five days. What, who's obsessed?

Aaaaaaaanyway. I don't know why I plugged Analogue before. No one reads this, and those that do don't read my site. I am (without hyperbole) the only visitor to my site. Thanks a lot, people who say I don't suck.

Love, luck, lollipops, and all that. Toodles.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the Phil Hendrie show ended. Of course, those of you who care already knew it.

Well, it is.

So's my site, again, and I'll be able to screw around with it all I want because it's driven by php! Geeklog is awesome.

So anyway, I'll probably move journal-keeping duties (blogging? Is that what kids call it these days?) to the site, but... yeah. I'm trying to update at least weekly, with something or another. Heaven knows I have a backload in case I can't finish anything new.

Anyway, just alerting you to my being alive. And the site is at [link] and love. Whoo.

Do you know why I love me so much?

Finished AP Psyche test today and I do believe I did well. It's awesome 'cuz not only was I the only sophomore taking it, I only took half of the actual course.

It's funny 'cuz Adam, who wishes he were as smart as he is pretentious, said he hoped I'd fail for rubbing it in his face how I was taking it. By rubbing it in his face, I assume he means cramming in the past week.

Come to think of it, if I actually studied or did work when I should do it, I would be a better person. But I can't. I suck. I'm sorry.

Also, I set my finger on fire in the process of lighting a candle.

Anyway, I have not updated here much, but I've updated semi-frequently on the site, which you should visit via the handy-dandy link above this box. Love.

I have been tagged. Tagged and blinded. By SCIENCE and :: .

So, i must list ten things I like and then tag some other people. First, site is updated, so check out [link] .

I love...

1. Deus Ex and other such computer games shooters, as God and John Carmack intended.
2. Books by Garrison Keillor, Dave Barry, and Terry Pratchett,
3. Hugs, especially from cute girls such as Toni :: who on a related note might be coming for a week or so this summer after the traditional trip to her, meaning that awesome store that still sold SNES games wil be out of stock now that I can prepare.
4. Xenogears, which somehow combines giant robots, religious symbolism, fighting game-style combo moves, pink fluffy things that grow to the size of buildings, and some of the best characters you'll ever see. The best thing is that it doesn't have legions of idiot fans like pretty much every popular, inferior game. And yes, I am just stroking my ego with I'm-hip-and-alternative.
5. Good songs. No genre; I even enjoy the odd Baby Got Back and therefore cannot harangue rap music. Jazz and most forms of rock probably get top billing in my Bobobobobobobo afro-symphony, though.
6. Stupid people. They just make me feel so much better about myself, after spending the day being remind that despite being in the top .5% or so, even friggin' John Cheese is smarter than me and I can't even remember that the smartest person is the world's IQ is 228 so I'm stupid and said her IQ was 280 and felt even stupider for a week and now I cut myself at night.
7. Run-on sentences. 'Nuff said.
8. Plastic Man, and anything else my dad likes. He used to sit me on his knee and sa, "Boah, ah need to tell you about christmastown! There were objects so peculiar they were not to
9. Reduced Shakespeare Company shows, specifically Austin Tichenor because I got to shake his hand and I have his autograph under my bed and I go all girly and giggly when I see him on TV because of tat one passionate night we spent together.
10. People who don't care. I don't mean people who kill themselves because they don't think their lives matter, because that's a waste; I mean people who realize it doesn't matter and revel in it and laugh at themselves, but still try to improve because its what you have to do. I mean people who care about the plight of others, but don't whine about it all the time as if they're better than us because they have a political cause. I mean people who have decided that as long as they're here there's nothing to lose. I mean people who find someone to love and doggone it they're going to love them because if nothing else two people will be happy. Art sucks. Love is art. Love love. I love to suck? I forget what I was trying to say.

Anyway, goodnight.

-Gnome Palazzo Chere-cole Branford Figaro figaro Kermit Uzuki Kochanski Mk. II

Wait, I have to tage people. I tag Toni :: and my subordinate employee Fangirl :: even though she';s already been tagged, because I'm a prick that way. Third person shall be... hm... :: because she has good taste. Alright.

And remember, BACKHAND IN THE FACE!!! There is God.